Father’s day 2018
Like a lot of us, for decades, I have been taking my dad for granted because he has always been there for me. I have even complained how much he was involved in my life, how much of an opinion he always has about everything I do and even don’t do. And then the other day, when I actually asked for his opinion on an important matter, he calmly told me: You are a 40 year old woman, it’s about time you knew what is right for you and decide for yourself.
And that’s when I froze. I feared. I freaked.
It suddenly hit me how much I need my dad, how important he has been and always will be, how much I owe to him. And as I go about my 40s existential crisis, not only as a woman, but as a mother, as a single mother, I realise how valuable a father is, how important a dad is, how precious my dad is.
My dad has always been there for me, as a matter of fact, I can’t remember when my dad wasn’t there for me. Even far away, he was there.
He was there when I came out of the operating theatre at my birth, he was there when they told him I was deaf from one ear, he was there to hold me and protect me. He changed my nappies, he fed me, he taught me to walk, he taught me to ride a bike, he taught me to swim and even taught me to snowslide. He studied maths, physics, chemistry and science with me every single week end until I was 16. He knew my curriculum, he went to school to meet my teachers and even directors. He told me off over and over about my grades, of how I should push myself to be the best. He even told off my school for not teaching properly. He did that all throughout my studies and then in the workplace.
He drove me to school every morning until I was 18, he met my boyfriends, he met my friends, he drove me to birthday parties, he took me to nightclubs and even picked me up a number of times at 5am. He mentored me into University, he went to check where I would live, he met my new friends, he flew over when I had heart aches, he argued me with when I sent my first email to do an internship because it wasn’t professional enough, he sent me to Norway to get work experience, he sent me to the USA to get my masters, he dealt with the trips, the sicknesses, the dramas of all the first choices on anything, from renting a room, to getting a company car, to opening a bank account. He coached me when I prepared CVs, he rehearsed interviews a million times. He made me open my eyes to the world, to History, to Politics, to world affairs. Most nights he still sends me a selection of articles at 3am so I stay informed and open minded.
He gave my hand in marriage, he held it in my divorce. He welcomed my son into this world, he flew a million times to see him, he now has him over every other week and week end day and night, starting all over again with school and teachers, and he argues with him, worries over him and spoils him to bits as grand dads do.
I have moaned, I have argued, I have disagreed, I have gotten angry, I have cried, I have stopped talking, I over talked, and even more, over the years, because I wanted him to agree with me and accept my point of view without having the last word.
And the day he did that, I froze in fear and disbelief. Because suddenly I had to be this grown up making decisions for myself and not against his opinion… it was much harder than I thought… so hard to suddenly have to grow up and actually be myself without his input. It was so hard as it suddenly hit me he may not always be there for me one day. And I cried and I cried and I cried.
And then I sat down and thought… what would my dad say? What would he do? What would he tell me to do?
And this is when I realized he will always be there for me, because all these years he wasn’t just there for me like a lot of fathers are, paying the bills and ensuring the family is well fed and looked after financially. He went over and beyond: he pushed me, he challenged me, he shaped me into who I am today and who I want to be tomorrow. And I know he will continue doing so, with me, with my brother, with my son for as long as he lives.
So today, in this 2018 father’s day I have three messages: the first is that I love you dad for being my father and for being my dad. The second is that to all the fathers out there, remember that being a father is hard work, being a dad is what your kids really need and it’s much, much harder. The third one is for all the mothers out there who also have to be fathers: I know how hard it is to try and be both, but keep being superheroes for your kids, so they know one day how to be one too, a mom or a dad.
Like a lot of us, for decades, I have been taking my dad for granted because he has always been there for me. I have even complained how much he was involved in my life, how much of an opinion he always has about everything I do and even don’t do. And then the other day, when I actually asked for his opinion on an important matter, he calmly told me: You are a 40 year old woman, it’s about time you knew what is right for you and decide for yourself.
And that’s when I froze. I feared. I freaked.
It suddenly hit me how much I need my dad, how important he has been and always will be, how much I owe to him. And as I go about my 40s existential crisis, not only as a woman, but as a mother, as a single mother, I realise how valuable a father is, how important a dad is, how precious my dad is.
My dad has always been there for me, as a matter of fact, I can’t remember when my dad wasn’t there for me. Even far away, he was there.
He was there when I came out of the operating theatre at my birth, he was there when they told him I was deaf from one ear, he was there to hold me and protect me. He changed my nappies, he fed me, he taught me to walk, he taught me to ride a bike, he taught me to swim and even taught me to snowslide. He studied maths, physics, chemistry and science with me every single week end until I was 16. He knew my curriculum, he went to school to meet my teachers and even directors. He told me off over and over about my grades, of how I should push myself to be the best. He even told off my school for not teaching properly. He did that all throughout my studies and then in the workplace.
He drove me to school every morning until I was 18, he met my boyfriends, he met my friends, he drove me to birthday parties, he took me to nightclubs and even picked me up a number of times at 5am. He mentored me into University, he went to check where I would live, he met my new friends, he flew over when I had heart aches, he argued me with when I sent my first email to do an internship because it wasn’t professional enough, he sent me to Norway to get work experience, he sent me to the USA to get my masters, he dealt with the trips, the sicknesses, the dramas of all the first choices on anything, from renting a room, to getting a company car, to opening a bank account. He coached me when I prepared CVs, he rehearsed interviews a million times. He made me open my eyes to the world, to History, to Politics, to world affairs. Most nights he still sends me a selection of articles at 3am so I stay informed and open minded.
He gave my hand in marriage, he held it in my divorce. He welcomed my son into this world, he flew a million times to see him, he now has him over every other week and week end day and night, starting all over again with school and teachers, and he argues with him, worries over him and spoils him to bits as grand dads do.
I have moaned, I have argued, I have disagreed, I have gotten angry, I have cried, I have stopped talking, I over talked, and even more, over the years, because I wanted him to agree with me and accept my point of view without having the last word.
And the day he did that, I froze in fear and disbelief. Because suddenly I had to be this grown up making decisions for myself and not against his opinion… it was much harder than I thought… so hard to suddenly have to grow up and actually be myself without his input. It was so hard as it suddenly hit me he may not always be there for me one day. And I cried and I cried and I cried.
And then I sat down and thought… what would my dad say? What would he do? What would he tell me to do?
And this is when I realized he will always be there for me, because all these years he wasn’t just there for me like a lot of fathers are, paying the bills and ensuring the family is well fed and looked after financially. He went over and beyond: he pushed me, he challenged me, he shaped me into who I am today and who I want to be tomorrow. And I know he will continue doing so, with me, with my brother, with my son for as long as he lives.
So today, in this 2018 father’s day I have three messages: the first is that I love you dad for being my father and for being my dad. The second is that to all the fathers out there, remember that being a father is hard work, being a dad is what your kids really need and it’s much, much harder. The third one is for all the mothers out there who also have to be fathers: I know how hard it is to try and be both, but keep being superheroes for your kids, so they know one day how to be one too, a mom or a dad.
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